and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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