Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
