i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
