Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
