I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
