is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
