There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
