Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
