Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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