I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
