Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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