her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
where are you?
Hypothermia
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
