HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
