Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
