Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
