hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize