At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
