Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
