ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
