Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
