your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
