these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
