worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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