I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
