i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
