just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
