Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
