Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
sex in a hospital.. check
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
