I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
