32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
