i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
