are you so shy because you have an std?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
