"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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