I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
