i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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