he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
