You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
