hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
