real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I look better un-naked...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
