I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
id be glad to
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
