all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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