sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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