Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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