girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
