I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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