Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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