he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
