Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
