im drinking this country out of the recession.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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