so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You left your phone here
Wait...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
