you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
