Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
