So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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