So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
